introspection

2008-07-14T22:06:00.003+08:00

And so, I'm no longer a trainee.. UM course wasn't that physically demanding after all, not even induction day.

Was initially rather upset about being posted to Changi Ops. But I've now been re-posted to Tuas. Thankful for that.

Today's my last slack day. The real work starts tomorrow.

2008-06-29T18:05:00.003+08:00

First week was way better than expected. Now crossing my fingers, hoping that the second week will be the same. Can't expect too much for the Tuesday of Week 3 though ("Hellday").

Anyway, the tagboard is so dead, it's going to be auto-deleted in a few days. Please don't touch it, and allow it to die off. After all, if you are really dying to tag (though I can't see how that can be possible), you can do so on my FB wall.

2008-06-22T17:51:00.003+08:00

3 more weeks and I'll be through...

2008-06-12T01:09:00.004+08:00

I'm insane. I'm actually staying up to watch the live proceedings in the UK Parliament. They're debating over the extension of the detention period for terrorist suspects, the debate and all's quite normal.

But the voting. Ah the voting, that's the interesting part. They first go through a verbal vote, shouting aye or nay. If the Speaker is unable to determine whether the bill/ amendment passes, he'll call for a division. Apparently a bell will ring through the entire parliamentary estate, to get members back into the chamber to vote individually.

You may be wondering why they weren't in the chamber in the first place, but think about it, with debates lasting over 7 hours, it's inevitable that these people feel the urge to go for a canteen break (lol) once in a while. "Once in a while" is a serious understatement though. During the last hour of the debate, I haven't seen more than 40 members in the chamber. Suddenly, in the last fifteen minutes, after the division was called, everyone goes back to vote, and the entire chamber is packed again. Probably just a tenth of them were actually in the chamber in the past hour.

OK the result was just announced. The amendment was passed 315-306. The reaction to the result was so unbelievably MUN-like - all the cheering and jeering.. Poor Speaker has to keep going "Order, order". Ha.

Oh well, off to bed. Stay-in at Tuas tomorrow.

2008-06-03T05:50:00.001+08:00

I'm a navy medic! :)

2008-06-01T18:38:00.003+08:00

Posting's out tomorrow. Been trying not to think about it this past weekend.

All in all, quite a fulfilling weekend. Went out with a few friends from SMTI on Friday, and ended up window shopping at Marina Square. Hmm.. and somehow we decided to go to the Esplanade after that.

Lunch with Philip on Saturday, followed by some shopping at Bugis. Almost bought some clothes. Almost. Went to Suntec City after that, where I ran into Chin Hao and a few other juniors from CIC. To be honest, I never remembered the names of most of my juniors in CIC - I didn't even realise that his companions were from CIC until a few of them waved at me too.

Oh and I ran for a run at MacRitchie on Saturday morning. Two Saturdays in a row. Go me! I think it's almost becoming a routine, though I hope my army friends don't mind me lagging behind..

Borrowed 6 books from the library. Aiming to finish at least 5 within these 3 weeks. Started watching Change, a new Japanese drama in which Takuya Kimura stars as the accidental Prime Minister. Been wanting to watch it since it aired several weeks back, but the videos with english subtitles were uploaded just yesterday.

Oh, and I was offered the NUS undergrad scholarship. I'm quite thankful that I got it.. At least my fees are covered, and I get some allowance.. Being able to graduate debt-free.. That's a nice thought :)

Feliz Navidad!

2008-05-28T22:52:00.004+08:00

It's hit me again... The Christmas bug!

Well for those of you who know me well enough, you should know that I start thinking about Christmas rather early on in the year. A check with my notebook reveals that the bug hit me on July 11th last year, the same week I had to do my sampling tutorial, H3 essay, normal distribution tutorial, prepare for Khaw Boon Wan's dialogue session and study for a Chem Review Test. I specifically wrote "7/11 Christmas mood begins!" with my green pen [a bimbotic "tiara pen" which I'd borrowed indefinitely from my sister. ] and circled it with a pink highlighter.

I remember getting the bug in April two years ago, but I don't think I noted it down. At any rate, I've finally learned that the last line of the chorus of Feliz Navidad is "Prospero año y Felicidad". I've always kept silent at that line when they sing it after midnight mass.

Anyway, I passed out from my Basic Medic Course today. Which is rather frightening cos you never when you are going to have to use your skills to save a collapsed soldier. [or civilian for that matter]

*Prays for a good posting.

NUS LAW!!

2008-05-18T01:58:00.002+08:00

Application status enquiry

Name ANG HWEE YONG EUGENE

Application status

The general stages for the application status are

Application received --> Application processing --> Outcome of application

You have been offered Economics and Law in academic year 2010 - 2011.
The details of the offer will be stated in the offer letter.
Your letter of offer was sent on 17-May-2008.
Please reply at the Joint Acceptance website by 02-Jun-2008.

YAY! :)

Facebook

2008-05-17T13:55:00.002+08:00

OK I just added this mirror blog application that puts up my blog posts on my Facebook account. Quite cool.

Went for Guitar Concert and, as expected, had this whole "oh-I-wish-I-could-live-my-JC-life-all-over-again" session with the Xin Yi, Marisa and Bird. Truly, life in VJ was just such a great experience..

The Guitar Concert was wonderful, and I'm not just saying this cos it was put up by my lovely juniors. The performances were really awesome, and it was great to feel Ensemble spirit (seen both during and after the concert) going strong.

In some sense, I'm happy that I'm part of this big family, and that I did play my part in fostering this elusive thing called ensemble spirit. Yet the truth is that I'm no longer close to most of the members from my batch, what more the juniors.. I really hope that we'll all still keep in touch in the time to come though, cos I really enjoyed my time in Guitar, and it's very sad to just let it all fade away..

Hmmm.. And before I get all emo over my post-VJ life, I'm going to immerse myself in the reel life of the Walker family in Brothers & Sisters. It's a great show, and the fact that this week's episode, featuring Kevin and Scotty's wedding, coincides with the California Supreme Court's decision to legalise same-sex marriages just makes it seem so real.

But of course, it's just a show.

2008-05-04T18:04:00.002+08:00

Mind's in a state of flux. Life can be quite tiring, really. Once again, I'm thinking of shutting down this blog.

2008-04-20T19:34:00.001+08:00

Yet another weekend has come and (is nearly) gone. Will update next weekend, after my NUS Law selection interview and test.

2008-04-13T19:31:00.000+08:00

In about 12 hours, the new episode of Desperate Housewives will be aired in the US! And I'll be able to watch it next week! Also, Brothers and Sisters returns in a week! Finally..

A&P test tomorrow, and I've hardly studied it. Argh. I don't want to fail and be confined for a re-test!

Leaving in half an hour...

2008-04-13T02:50:00.005+08:00

I've been offered a place to read Law at SMU! At least that's according to the SMU application portal. Still haven't gotten the official letter yet. Reason why I checked was that Jonathan said that he'd received his letter yesterday. I met him just now, when a group of us from 6ae'01 went to Mrs Goh's house. Really lovely to meet them all once again. Will leave that for another time, need to go get some rest now.

Sick and Tired

2008-04-06T22:06:00.003+08:00

Due to a number of reasons, I have decided to end my pursuit of an overseas scholarship.

Won't talk about them now. Might not ever on this blog. Been trying to prepare a presentation for Blaze tomorrow, and it hasn't been easy to do so with my cold.

So no Blaze tomorrow. Rather, a visit to the polyclinic to get an MC.

Off to get some much-needed rest.

2008-04-06T18:43:00.006+08:00

It's such a joke. I've actually been shortlisted for the Prime Minister's Book Prize, a "prestigious national award that recognises academic excellence and effective bilingualism".

I have actually entertained thoughts of sending a reply to say that I do not wish to be considered for the award. First, I clearly do not deserve the award. And second, WHAT IF I ACTUALLY HAVE TO SPEAK IN MANDARIN AT THE INTERVIEW???!!!

Just minutes ago, I received a timely reminder about my poor command of Mandarin when I received a call from Chen Lao Shi. Speaking in Mandarin is probably one of the few fears that have outlasted my childhood.

Yet the thought of actually getting the award, no matter how slim my chances are, is just... whoa... By the way, did you know that Alfian Sa'at won the award three times? Some people are just so freaking smart.

Anyway, I'm going for Blaze Assessment tomorrow, the second round of the Firefly Scholarship selection process. It's the Sit Test of scholarships, I guess. Will be a miracle if I can actually survive it.

NUS Global Merit Scholarship interview next Saturday. I actually hope to get that more than the Firefly Scholarship. Partly cos I'm more certain about NUS Law [and I'm free to practise wherever I want after that!] than even PPE with a 6-year bond to MTI/ the other Firefly agencies. Of course, PPE has always been my dream course so I'll have to live [and die] with this unfulfilled dream, always imagining, never experiencing. [Wei Ge: You could tell me all about it though! :) If you do decide to take it up, of course. Whatever your decision is, I'm sure you'll do very well in your studies and beyond.]

But I guess I can take comfort in the knowledge that the stuff learnt in PPE can be picked up independently. As for Law, if I don't read it at university, I'll never ever have a chance to practise it.

Sigh. A post that started off as a light-hearted one has become so serious.

To end off the post with a joke though, when Lao Shi asked me what I was intending to study at university, I wanted to say Law (fa lu) but somehow I ended up saying Lawyer (lu shi) and she interpreted it as History (li shi). I only realised the mistake after I put down the phone. Sigh. Reason #3252 why I do not desersve the Book Prize. Please don't laugh.

2008-04-05T00:02:00.003+08:00

I'll be really glad when the next few weeks are over.

I'll probably know how I'm going to spend the next half decade or so. Possibly even more than that.

I'll go on a well-deserved shopping spree.

But for now, I'll go to bed. Interview at SMU in the morning.

2008-03-30T19:04:00.000+08:00

Tired.

2008-03-29T23:33:00.004+08:00

In ten weeks time, it will be the start of one and a half years of relatively free weekends. Medic course would have ended, so I wouldn't need to study [Yes, we study a lot in SMTI. A lot. Will go to that later.] all the stuff about administering First Aid. Of course I'll go through the skills regularly just to make sure that should something happen, I'd be able to handle the situation.

Argh. I digressed. There are just so many thoughts in my head right now, and it's difficult to jot them all down in a coherent manner. [This had better not happen at one of those written tests that I'm sitting for over the next few weeks. MAS, SMU, NUS..] I guess I'll talk about SMTI another day. That day will probably be somewhere in June, when everything is over.

And I'm quite sad that I often don't have the time and discipline to jot down all my thoughts, both the public ones that I put up on this blog, and my private thoughts that are stored in my personal ~~diary~~ password-protected MS Word document. But I'll try my best ya.

And back to my first point, in ten weeks time, I'll turn 19, which is really weird, cos even now, I sometimes need to remind myself that I'm 18, not 17. Yep, miss those days.

And in ten weeks time, I would probably be done with all my scholarship and uni applications, and if I'm still busy with such stuff, it would be a blessing, cos it would mean that I've gotten a scholarship, and would be preparing to apply to Oxford. But of course, it's going to be an uphill task getting through all the interviews. At times, I'm still quite unsure about whether studying PPE/ Law in UK, and being bonded with MAS/Firefly agency/SIA is the right path to take, as opposed to studying Law and Econs/ Biz at NUS/ SMU [and hopefully with a good scholarship]And with the possibility of getting a law degree from yet-to-be-disclosed London uni if I decide after 3 years that I really do want to become a lawyer.

All these options, and the fear of not making it through, are really quite hard to cope with. Often I say that I'll just do my best and leave the rest to God, but it's not something that is easy to do. There's always a desire to achieve success simply because I know I can, success as the world knows it at least. And yet, there are some other goals that I have, which are somewhat in conflict with any career goals that I might have, and it's quite strange, cos if what I've been told about God over the past 16 years or so [From the time Mummy made me and Claire sit in front of the altar to memorise the Lord's Prayer, Hail Mary and Glory Be.], He probably would have much to say about these goals.

And then again, there's always the practical issues that I'll need to grapple with. The other day, I promised myself once again that I would not let my kids go through the whole horrible process of applying for scholarships, unless of course, they do it of their own volition. Which made me think about the millions that I'll need to set aside to provide for an overseas education for all of them. So it's either "really succeed in my career" or "have two rather than three kids".

But I think too much. It does feel better though, that I've verbalised my thoughts. I'm not any less confused than I was before this, but it just feels better expressing them.

Less serious stuff now.

Being a combat medic could actually help me achieve my goal of learning Malay! Seriously. Naz asked met the other day if I felt left out, cos 3 of the Malays in my section were conversing in Malay. I think I just smiled. Thought about the times they've been in my position..

Anyway, I'm done with 40 days and 40 nights, a book about a Supreme Court battle in the US between a group of parents and a school board made up of Christian Fundamentalists trying to introduce Intelligent Design in the classroom. Would love to talk more about it, but I'm constrained by both insufficient time and knowledge on the subject. Not enough for me to develop a well-supported view on it, at least. But I think those who know me well enough should know where I stand.

And even as I type, Mox, the club where last year's post-prom was held, is holding it's farewell party.. Apparently it can't cope with he soaring rental fees..

And I really want to go shopping. Want to get some new clothes, and a few books. Just started reading The Kite Runner after Naufal, one of my new bunk mates, was done with his copy. [Have I forgotten to mention how I'm quite thankful for my new bunk mates?] And I'd like to get Suchen Christine Lim's latest book, after I watched her read an excerpt of one of her short stories on Youtube. It's also been made into a short film, and was shown on Arts Central at the end of last year. It's a real blessing that I chanced upon the video, cos I'd wanted to catch the short film last year, but naturally, being in the army, I forgot about it. It's time like these that I really wished I could write good short stories too... I guess building up a personal collection of books will never ever give one as much satisfaction as that derived from actually writing one.

And lastly, I'm really hoping that this Apple-free-downloads-for-your-iPod/iPhone's-life thing works out. I'd seriously consider getting an iPhone at the end of my two years in the army, when I can finally use a camera phone again.

Been blogging for an hour and a half. Time to sleep.

P.S. Been listening to music by India.Arie on Youtube. I'm amazed at how I haven't heard her on the radio before. Go listen!

2008-03-24T01:01:00.003+08:00

I dread waking up.

2008-03-20T17:38:00.003+08:00

I've been sleeping my break away. And I still have a few scholarship application essays to write. Argh.

Posting will be out tomorrow. A part of me wishes that Mindef has somehow failed to assign me to a unit, and that I'll secretly live through the next one year nine months while the rest of my friends perform their patriotic duty to the nation.

Hey, don't give me that look. If it's possible for a person to secretly escape from a high-security detention centre, it is possible for my name to also secretly me dropped of the list.

Seriously though, I'm prepared to just take on whatever challenges and hardship that I may face over the next year or so. NS is really nothing as compared to some other stuff that I need to handle. Well, at least in NS, I have no choice but to serve, so it kind of makes things easier to accept.

2008-03-12T01:13:00.004+08:00

The bad thing about being the second company to leave the island is that it leaves you with very little time for photo-taking. Bah.

Oh yeh, POP LOH!

2008-03-07T11:26:00.005+08:00

At this point in time, I'm a happy boy and nothing else in the world matters.

Nothing but my results.

Except in the unfortunate event in which two teachers have somehow reported the wrong grades to me ["let me remind you that lying is a chargeable offence", lol], this should be a good day.

Yep. I'm going to be happy today, and not worry about anything. Not even the most important challenges in my life.

All right, maybe I'll inevitably have to talk to my teachers about my "options" and that will get me worried.

Or if I somehow didn't do as well as my teachers said, and have to tell the rest of my ~~clan~~ family that I didn't do as well as they had initially been told. All I did was call Papa and now, even my cousin has smsed to congratulate.

I'll be freaking sad. And will probably kill the two tutors.

But I digress. I'm very paranoid.

I'm going to shower and head out.

And get some donuts on the way.

And I'm a happy boy :)

2008-03-02T23:34:00.004+08:00

It's been two weeks since my last post, but my feelings are very much unchanged.

POP soon, and I'm not sure what lies ahead, but it's not going to be nice.

I constantly think about ORD [121209] and how I'm going to the uni, volunteer for YOG 2010, read alot and do lots of other stuff that my responsibility to my nation has prevented me from doing.. I just wish that it would come quickly. But looking at how my sis is so frustrated by her uni work just spoils this whole dream.

And of course, there's still the fear of not making it in life, whatever that means.

Sigh. At times, I wish I could relive my SJI and VJ days over and over again. [Pauses to think about the fun we all had, when these thoughts are interrupted by flashbacks of the final moments of cramming before the History papers, the panic, the anxiety... the worry over scholarships... the great amount of work, and how I was often too tired to complete them...]

But compared to NS life, it really wasn't too bad. At least I was able to plan how I wanted to spend my time. It's not that NS life is that terrible, I still do believe that it's a great experience that will leave me with skills to tackle the various challenges that I'll meet in life. It's just that I can't imagine going to fight in a real war.. It feels more like an NCC camp or something. It's frightening, on a national level. But on a personal level, it simply means that I wished my time could be better spent.

But then again, it's been just 12 weeks or so of BMT, so perhaps my perception will change for the better in time to come.

Anyway, Ms Goh LY forwarded me an invitation to participate in a UN writing competition [yet another thing that I can't do cos of NS] and at the end of the email, she wrote:

eugene: i decided that i miss having you in my class! :)

I don't know what prompted her to write that, but it sure was nice reading the note. Ah, I want to go back to school! Even if it means having to sit through math and chem lectures all over again..

P.S. This isn't a good time for lame jokes, but well, I am going back to school BMTC School 2 on the 0730 fastcraft tomorrow, and VJC for A Levels results soon. Damn.

Change

2008-02-17T13:50:00.004+08:00

I just took the 2007 06S62 timetable off my table top, realising that it wasn't necessary anymore. It just didn't occur to me over the past few months after lessons ended. I guess that's cos I'm usually prompted to take old timetables off when new ones arrive at the start of the academic year.

Time. It just moves on, leaving us wondering about what is to come, and sometimes wishing to return to the past, either to experience the moments of joy, or to take a different path.

It really does feel very strange, being in the army. It feels partly as if I'm cut off from my pre-enlistment life. It feels strange when I see that some things at home don't seem to change much during the time of my absence.

Like the bar of soap that doesn't seem to shrink over the week, or how my room is left almost untouched throughout the week, or how no one seems to be eating the ice cream in the fridge [though granted, it's horrible]. I guess a week away from home feels like a long time, but it actually isn't.

Yet at the same time, it feels strange to see the changes taking place. Like the new staircase near the church, or the upgrading going on at my estate. And today, Bukit Merah was much less crowded than usual. I thought that Papa would know the reason for it, but he didn't. [We speculated that it was probably cos this is the last weekend of Chinese New Year, so some people were rushing to complete their visiting.] It's as if I can't keep up with the changes in the outside world, and it sucks.

And then again, it's strange how I don't even notice some of the things that are right in front of my eyes. Like, how I wouldn't be able to recall, before yesterday, that the button on my favourite pair of jeans says "Denim is dead".

All the stuff that I've talked about so far are just related to the physical things that are around me, but I think those who know me well enough will understand that it's not just that. And it's something that I don't truly understand either.

It wouldn't be totally accurate to say that I wish to go back to the past to change things. But it's true that I'm terrible afraid of what's to come in the future. After my interview at MCYS, it just struck me, for one, that perhaps a career in the civil service isn't for me. But that's fine, I've always kept my options open.

What was more frightening was having to face up to the reality that my aspirations are simply unattainable. I've often convinced myself that a civil service career would be the first step to achieving my goals in life, but the truth is that, it's not. It broke my heart last night when Mummy tried to guess what my aspirations were, but her guess was nearly opposite of what my true intentions are. Many of my loved ones probably wouldn't be supportive of what I want to do, and sometimes it's better to just sacrifice my own interests for the sake of those who really care.

After all, it's not really that hard to be happy. Reading a good book, eating something that I've craved for for the past week, having a meal with family and friends... Sometimes, focusing too much on the big things in life makes us lose focus on the seemingly insignificant, yet equally important parts of our life.

I'll just pray for guidance in the decisions that I inevitably have to make in the days to come...

P.S. Speaking of changes, Matthew Pereira is no longer writing for The Sunday Time's Reflect column. One less thing to look forward to on weekends.

2008-02-09T14:12:00.000+08:00

I was bored.

78 words

Touch Typing online

Anyway, Chinese New Year has been fine. Nothing much to say, really. Just nice to spend time with the family, and a short while with some friends.

Rejected for OMS, but referred to MCYS for a ministry scholarship. Interview's on Monday, at about 4pm. Do pray.

2008-02-03T14:11:00.001+08:00

Had dim sum with Andrew, Shi Wei, Tsun Wang and Glenn. Won't be meeting Andrew for another two years or so.

Been having army-themed nightmares recently. Sometimes about having to fall in in 3 rows, no, 5 rows, 20 rows, 1 row in front of me, MOVE! Yesterday I dreamt about sand bags and untied my bolster cover thinking that it was a sand bag. Argh.

Hmmm.. There's so much I would like to spend on. But I'm stopping myself cos I know I need to save. Oh well.

2008-02-03T02:08:00.001+08:00

It's been a great book out so far. Probably the first since Haji that I've actually felt physically fine. Perhaps I've gained an immunity against the Tekong cough??!! Nah, it's too early to celebrate.

Field camp was fine. Just feel bad that I'm not pushing myself enough though. Seriously, army life isn't that bad, but at the point when I'm physically tired, it is inevitable to think about going easy on myself and not giving my 100%. But still, I try my best.

PSC commission interview last week went fine. Did fine for most of the current affairs questions, though on hindsight, I could have given better answers. But of course, that's on hindsight. Given the circumstances, I delivered my answers rather cogently and confidently. And I'm glad that I did not end up in a situation when I end up contradicting myself.

But some of the questions about my educational background, in particular, SJI, as well as my decision to delay my uni applications made me feel rather regretful. Still, things in the past cannot be changed; I know my parents felt that it was in my best interests when they sent me to SJI. And, ultimately, I was the one who made the decision to delay the applications. The commission members also seemed to accept my explanation. Well, it's all in God's hands now. [Actually, it's the commission chairman's, but you know what I mean.]

Nice meeting up with the S62 people, even if it was just 6 of them. Rambo was a stupid movie, oh well. Shopping was good. Bought books, a polo tee for the New Year and a pair of shoes. Papa paid for the shoes, I used my Borders voucher for the books, and paid for the tee myself. Felt good spending, but it also means that I'll have to spend less for the rest of the month. Really wish to save the bulk of my NS allowance.

Met Andrew and Pei Wei after getting the shoes with my parents at Vivo. Had not met Andrew for close to two years. Probably having breakfast with him again tomorrow. Along with Tsun Wang and Shi Wei, the lucky, ahem, Hawk Company Recruits!

Let's hope my late submission for next week's YouthINK will still be considered, so at least there's some chance of earning another $80 to ~~spend~~ save.

Off to read some of the new books I bought, and then it's time to go sleep. Have to wake up early for mass.

2008-01-19T23:06:00.000+08:00

My mind wandered off in Church today. Was thinking about the Paradox of Evil, when I thought of what I just found out is known as the Contrast Theodicy. Apparently it's attributed to Saint Augustine. Though it's a rather inadequate explanation, I'm still glad that I was able to come up with it myself, albeit 16 centuries late.

I'm feeling better now, so I'm probably booking in with the rest tomorrow. Do hope I don't fall ill again over the next week. My PSC interview (the one with the commission members) is on the 28th, so I'm hoping to be able to perform my best, no matter how slim the chances are.

Anyway, check out this video, it's really quite amazing.

Hmm.. Britney's Piece of Me is now on loop in my head. It's not bad, really. Well, anything beats what was going through my mind while I was sleeping last night. I kept dreaming that I was still in camp, and somehow I was falling in with the rest of the Platoon, and I kept thinking "I'm on Attend C, I shouldn't be here!" It was extremely irritating.

And I dreamt of dry instant noodles with pork cutlet. Don't ask me why. There's so much I can't eat now, it's so depressing. And it's rather depressing to see photos of S62 outings on the class blog... Oh well. If you guys are reading this, I MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH! We must meet up soon.

Oh, but something nice happened. Apparently $80 has been credited into my bank account for the article I wrote for YouthINK. It's funny, cos when I first signed up, I didn't even know that YouthINKers were paid! And when I did, I thought it would just be a token sum of about $20 (but was secretly hoping for $40, lol). Now I realise why there are so many articles submitted every week! And I thought that these people simply had nothing better to do...

2008-01-18T23:27:00.000+08:00

I'm ill.

2008-01-12T22:28:00.001+08:00

I'm wondering if I should close this blog.

Hmm... Going through a rather trying period now. Do pray. Thanks.

2008-01-05T14:41:00.000+08:00

I get very moody everytime it's time to leave home for camp. I think my family's used to it.

I think a large part of it is the long travelling time, and the need to leave home earlier "just in case", only to have to wait for half an hour at Pasir Ris/ the Ferry Terminal.

Can't wait to be able to get my own car, though that will take many years.

It's been a good break though.

2008-01-01T16:15:00.000+08:00

It's 2008, and I'm praying that the new year will be a great one for me and those I love.

From now, I'll blog whenever I feel like it, but they will probably be rather short posts, just to keep everyone updated on the things happening in my life.

The most important challenges that I'm confronting now are rather personal, and don't belong here, so I've been furiously jotting down my thoughts in my new diary.

God bless you all!

2007-12-28T13:09:00.001+08:00

It's a few hours till my interview. Pray and keep calm.

2007-12-25T16:19:00.000+08:00

Leaving home in an hour's time. Wished I had more time to prepare for Friday's interview. Hope I get released on Thursday, so that I can get some good sleep before the interview.

Merry Christmas to all. Somehow the joy of Christmas eludes me this year.

2007-12-24T12:53:00.001+08:00

Back from Tekong! Training's still manageable, still a long way from passing my IPPT though. And still not taking as much initiative as I know I should.

Ate 3 times this morning. Breakfast in camp, ate again at Pasir Ris Macs with my section, and lastly, had some food at home too.

Slightly ill. I need to get well asap. Was half an hour into Love Actually when I received a call informing me that my 4 hour PSC Psychological interview is this Friday.

Off to lunch.

2007-12-20T17:43:00.000+08:00

There are many thoughts I would like to put into words, but I just don't have the time. Some of them belong here, some in my private diaries.

It's back to Tekong, and hopefully, we'll be able to meet the expectations of our commanders when we return.

To those I haven't had the chance to talk to, just know that I'm fine; commanders are good, rather reasonable people, some have even earned a great deal of my respect (and that is not an easy task), bunk mates are nice, which is really great.

I often see my life ahead as a battle, and the army as training ground for the battle. It's been barely a week, yet I'm already feeling rather uneasy about both this training, and my life ahead.

There are ideals that I want to uphold, and goals that I wish to attain, yet I know that some of them will break my parents' hearts, and it's just painful that I still can't find a way to resolve this conflict.

Guess I'll take one step at a time, and just do what is right.

See you all soon.

2007-12-20T02:46:00.000+08:00

There's so much on my mind now, it's hard to know where to start. And I guess that it's really late, so I should not blog much.

Anyhow, the first week of my 2 year journey has passed. I'm inching towards 121209. My ORD. By then I hope to have made the best of my two years serving the country. For now, I don't even have a clear post-BMT goal; just by listening to what the Sergeants said, I really cannot imagine myself ever surviving command school.

Anyway, it's not time to worry myself about such things now. Just need to get through BMT well, prepare for the scholarship interviews...

Guess it's easier to just go sleep now and blog again when I wake up.

2007-12-13T00:27:00.001+08:00

OK, so that wasn't the last post. Had wanted to post something, but forgot just now.

So... I was wondering why everyone goes "ORD loh!" but no one goes...

"Enlist loh!"

OK this time it's for real. Goodbye for a week!

2007-12-12T21:49:00.000+08:00

This is going to be my final post before I leave behind my civilian life, give up my pink IC, and don the SAF uniform.

I'm pausing for a moment to just think about it. It's surreal, it really is. As my dad loves to say, it seems like only yesterday that Bro. Mike welcomed us at SJI, saying that it was God-knows-how-many days to our enlistment. And now, one. One day. It doesn't seem too long ago that my cousins enlisted, one after another. Relatives would always ask, "Are you scared?" "Not really."

If you were to ask me now, whether I'm afraid, I would still say the same thing. Not really. Of course I know it's going to be tough, my spirit will come close to breaking point at times, that I'm sure, yet, there's a certain confidence that I'll survive and emerge a better person. Like they say, what does not kill you makes you stronger. (Random joke: The person who really thinks that what does not kill you makes you stronger has obviously not suffered from a heart attack before.)

And as I've said before, the fact that I genuinely believe in the rationale of having compulsory conscription simply makes it easier to enter with a positive attitude. I don't care what Ruth says about our navy having just one working submarine, or the SAF buying WWII German tanks. (It sounds like a whole load of nonsense to me anyway.) This is my country, and I'm going to defend it with pride.

Sure, I know that the SAF can be inefficient, punishment is arbitrary, and there are times when saying that I'm fed up with the system would be a total understatement. But I'm not going to let my dissatisfaction with individuals affect my love for my country, and loyalty to the SAF. Much like how I find it lame that some people with grievances against the ruling party and/or certain Singaporean idiosyncrasies become anti-Singapore, but that's besides the point. So as I was saying, I'm going to go in with a positive attitude, and when I take the Affirmation of Allegiance in just over 12 hours, I'll really mean what I say.

It seems like the Affirmation printed in the pre-enlistment booklet I got recently is different from the one that past batches have taken. The one in my booklet doesn't talk about not sparing one's blood and being devoted to the last breath etc. Either the Affirmation has changed, or they do not want recruits to be unduly worried, so they just print a condensed version in the pre-enlistment booklet. Either way, I'll find out tomorrow. I'm excited, much like how I was when I first joined Scouting ten years ago! Ok, bad analogy, we all know how Scouting turned out. Don't get me started on how Scouting is like communism. But then again, it is a very good analogy. I mean, I do have some very good memories of Scouting, and some lifelong friends made, despite all the crap that we went through.

OK, I should go now. Have to dump all the stuff I'm bringing into my bag, and also finalise my PSC application.

But before I go, here's my conversation with Ying Han this afternoon, when she enquired about the "job" that I'm going to start on tomorrow:

`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
so wad u working as huh
eahy says:
just training first, not really working for now. it's quite a crappy job la, but no choice.
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
haha which is wad la?
eahy says:
u know cisco? the security company?
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
oh ya
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
quite big shot wad
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
ya
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
quite big shot ma
eahy says:
nope, it's similar to tt, but it's not cisco.
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
working as admin?
eahy says:
doubt u have heard of the organisation la. u so slow..
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
eh no try me!
eahy says:
na i bet you don't know it. the pay is only $350 per mth, but there'll be increment aft the first few mths.
eahy says:
so sad right..
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
350 per mth?! don tell me it is a five day work week
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
gosh
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
u could have gone for better things ma
eahy says:
cannot la, i feel obligated..
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
why obligated?
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
u signed alr ar
eahy says:
yeh, actually quite long ago, the decision was alrdy made.
eahy says:
anyway, yeh, i can't run away from my job, cos i think if i do that i might be charged in court or smth. at least, there r legal implications, which yeh, is scary.
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
temp job only rite?
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
shud be one wk notice ma
eahy says:
this job is different la, cannot just give notice then go off. i think they only accept health problems as a valid excuse. quite draconian right.
eahy says:
but i understand their rationale, so yeh...
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
so u confirm stuckk in this job?
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
5 day work week huh
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
and 350 onli!
eahy says:
erm yeh.. but for the initial 2 wks i have to stay at the organisation's training centre.
eahy says:
and i will eventually get a raise la, don't worry.
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
stay there?
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
like camping like that huh
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
haha
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
so scountish
eahy says:
a bit la, lol. but more tiring than a scouts camp, which mind u, is alrdy tough enough. but it's smth i have to go thru, and i believe it'll be gd for me..
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
good trg for army i guess
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
so have u been training for army?
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
like go running or do wts and stuff
eahy says:
went jogging a few times, lol.
eahy says:
but these past few days, it's been raining, so very hard to go out to jog.
eahy says:
anyway, i think i'm gg to pack for tmr alrdy..
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
haha alr
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
have fu at ur job den!
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
survivor of the fittest!
eahy says:
haha thx!
eahy says:
btw, i can put this conversation on my blog right?
eahy says:
it's quite funny..
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
haha
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
put lo
eahy says:
yeh, cos when i go to tekong, i won't get to update much, so i shall post as much as possible before i leave.
eahy says:
hmm it's hard to believe tt this is the last time i'm tricking u before enlisting.. lol.
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
WHAT
`SLOW HULK vjtipper said:
eh talk to u when im home
`SLOW HULK vjtipper said:
i need shut down com now
`SLOW HULK vjtipper said:
bye!
eahy said:
ok, bb!

And when she got home...

eahy says:
HELLO!
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
YOU
eahy says:
SLOW HULK!
`SLOW HULK vjtipper says:
CHEATED ME
eahy says:
DID I??? *innocent look.

Ah, classic. Ranks among the top, along with "Countries poke holes in the ozone layer in order to let their space rockets fly out" (by Tallie and Xin Ying) and "VJC will be submerged in a decade due to climate change, and it will be turned into a resort" (by me!)

Oh, and look out for my 128 words in the Straits Times next Monday! The YouthINK in-charge just emailed me saying that he would run my submission in next week's column. Yay!

Just don't be surprised when you see the tagline:
Eugene Ang, 18, is a full-time National Serviceman. HAHA.

OK then. Soon-to-be-recruit Ang, out!

2007-12-12T01:47:00.000+08:00

I had meant to blog a lot over the past 2 weeks. Well I haven't. Haven't even sat down to think enough. Well at least I can console myself with the fact that watching Brothers & Sisters did get me thinking quite a bit. It's a really nice show, by the way, if you haven't already heard me say it.

I've started writing in a diary (yes a physical one) cos I obviously can't blog, or access my personal diary (which is on this computer) in Tekong. Goodness, I'm already saying Tekong like it's my home or something. Well it is going to be my home, but that's besides the point.

I can't believe I'm going to take the oath in less than 36 hours! I'm still excited, rather nervous of course, but excited nonetheless.

The other day when I went jogging I pushed myself a little more than usual, just to remember what it felt like being pushed towards the limit. I had that "I'm going to die any moment!" feeling, but obviously I kept telling myself that there was no way I was going to collapse cos I was far from my limit. It didn't really help much though, I still felt really afraid. But I guess that's something I'll need to overcome.

I guess being trained in the army is good cos: a) I have no choice but to comply. b) If I collapse, at least I won't feel guilty; my trainer made me do it! c) Aiya I won't die anyway. No one dies during BMT training! (If you have information suggesting otherwise, just keep it to yourself, thanks.)

OK this is probably my second last post before leaving. My mum said today that she couldn't believe how it has been 18 and a half years since she gave birth to me. Well time does pass rather quickly when we don't think about it, and who knows, these 2 years will soon be over. And I'm going to make it through a better person, with many great memories, and lots of new friends :)

2007-12-08T21:50:00.000+08:00

The wonders of Google Translator:

Saturday, December 01, 2007
好久没用华语了呀！ For a long time the Chinese useless! 不知所用的词是否恰当呢。 I do not know whether the term used is appropriate. 嘻嘻。 Hee hee. 最近比较有时间了，我呀，就能够想着更多的东西，不知这是否是件好事？ Recently more time, I ah, we can think of more things, I do not know whether this is a good thing? 嗯，回想在德明的那段时间，华语，对我们而言，并不陌生，比起现在，可是天渊之别呀！ Ah, I recall that period of time in the Deming, Chinese, on our part, is no stranger than now, but great differences of difference! 但我想说的并不是仅仅这些，而是另外的一件事。 But I want to say is not just these, but another thing. 一个人安静的时候，并非一定是寂寞的。 A quiet, not necessarily lonely. 他可能身在自己的世界，别人无法进入的世界。 He may be present in their own world, and others can not enter the world. 这几天，我隐隐约约的察觉到这一点。 In the past few days, I had a vague aware of this point. 友情这两个字，应该是众所周知的，也是大家所熟悉的。 Friendship word should be well known, we are also familiar. 它是如此的珍贵，如此的美丽。 It is so precious, so beautiful. 但是，让人真正感动的，是稀有的真心以对之友情。 However, people truly moving, is a rare on the sincere friendship. 然而，有多少人能够有如此的福气享受着它呢？ However, how many people can have such a blessing enjoy it? 人心呀，往往是深不可测的。 People ah, often unfathomable. 一个越是把自己说成单纯无助或者是受害者的人，越是有可能身为一个复杂的人。 A more simple themselves as helpless victims or people, the more likely as a complex person. 我是从自己所经验的点点滴滴察觉到，可以说是走过了铺满荆棘的路吧。 From my own experience is the little drops of note that can be said to be traversed铺满thorns Road it. 一旦认定了朋友，就把真诚给了她，但是，自己所受到的，未免是对方的诚意。 Once identified friends, so sincerely gave her, but his face, it is the other side's sincerity. 默默的忍受，希望有朝一日能够与她分享一切，但这只是自己的天真。 The endure silently, with the hope that one day she can share everything, but this is only his innocence. 久而久之，也认清了人性，它是热情的，也是冷酷的，是温暖的，也是无情的，是天真的，也是阴险的。 As time passes, but also to see the humanity, it is warm, and it is cold, warm, and it is merciless, is naive, and it is insidious. 有些人则给我一种可依赖，可信任的感觉，但有些人给我的感觉却不一样。 Some people gave me a reliable, trusted feeling, but some people do not give me the same feeling. 同样是朋友，却有着不同样的对待，这就是命呀！ Same friends, but do not have the same treatment, this is life! 一身的无奈，一身的委屈。 One has no alternative, a grievances. 双面人可真不简单呀。 Double-sided people can really simple ah. 一双凌厉的眼睛，只留给凝视着某个人的时候。 A pair of sharp eyes, the only left staring at a person. 这样一来，无人察觉到，只有那个人感受得到。 As a result, no one noticed that only that person felt. 话中有话，句句带刺，不好受呀。 Speeches sentence a sting, if painful ah. 罢了罢了，人生，是因有波折，才有精彩的记忆，那么，就把这些当作一种特别的经验吧。 Only just, life is because there have been ups, have wonderful memories, then put these as a special experience it. 毕竟，该走的路还长，从中学习，含笑走下去，就是真正的胜利，真正的教导。 After all, that move to the road is still long, learn, Michelia path, is the real victory, the real teaching. ___________________________________________________________________ p.s. 我所说的一切，并不针对任何人，只是有感而发罢了。 Ps I said everything, is not directed at anyone, but just saying this with good reason. (:

2007-12-06T07:00:00.000+08:00

Clubbing was fun! Towards the end at least, when half of the crowd had left and there was more space on the dance floor. And Mum indirectly said that I could club again, using my army allowance of course.

Off to breakfast now. As expected, I don't feel sleepy at all, but I guess I have to force myself to go to bed after breakfast, or else I'll probably collapse over the next few days.

2007-12-05T12:13:00.000+08:00

It's been nearly a week. Been meeting up with friends, but haven't really been able to connect with everyone. I'm in one of those moods, the kind that makes you want to isolate yourself from the old world.

The worst thing is knowing what exactly the problems are, and not being able to make a decision on what course of action to take. Some actions are simply irrevocable so it's no wonder that I'd want to avoid them. Yet avoidance is not a long-term solution, and will just make me feel terrible in the long run.

Yet this isn't just about me. My family, my friends... It's not an easy decision to make. Yet, deciding not to do anything is effectively making a decision already. A terible one, in my opinion. Yet one that I'll probably stick to for some time.

Unless I feel a sudden compulsion to change it all. And when that moment comes, it so better possess the dramatic effect I've always imagined it would have.

For now, I have to get back to my PSC essay; I haven't started writing it in full. Already, brainstorming on what to write has been difficult. And let's just hope post prom will go well.

Ending with something Wei Yi posted on the random blog.

Teen Creed.

Don't let your parents down
They brought you up.
Be humble enough to obey,
You may give orders someday.
Choose companions with care,
You become what they are.
Guard your thoughts,
What you think you are.
Choose only a date,
Who will make a good mate.
Be masters of your habits,
Or they will master you.
Don't be a showoff when you drive,
Drive with safety and arrive
Don't let the crowd pressure you,
Stand for something or
You'll fall for anything.

2007-11-29T12:44:00.000+08:00

It's over. The sudden sense of emptiness takes over.

And it doesn't help that the paper didn't go as well as I'd hoped. But I know I've put in the best effort, and there's little that I could have done to make it better. I'm just praying to secure a scholarship before my results come out. I know it's difficult, but I'll just pray and do my best. Write my essays, prepare for the interviews... Just give it my best shot and accept the outcome.

Two weeks to meet up with those who've been there all this while, giving me strength in my weakest moments. To thank God for His blessings. To reflect over the choices I will have to make. To prepare myself for what is to come.

The two weeks start now :)

2007-11-28T13:10:00.000+08:00

"The Ellen show which aired on Channel 5 on Tuesday... at least two cuts!"

The first time the programme was cut, I thought it was a result of a Channel 5 linking different segments of the show which was originally separated by a commercial break. How stupid of me. The second time went something like, "And there is this new movie with some sex scenes which are rather graphic (cut. white screen for a fraction of a second.) but the movie is quite good." Or at least that's what I think she said. It happened so quickly, and the speech flowed quite smoothly, but it was obvious that it was cut.

The last time a Channel 5 programme I watched was cut was when Andrew kissed his boyfriend (Justin?) on Desperate Housewives. It was like: Andrew reached over to Justin, or the other way round (cut) and Bree snaps her wine glass.

And yesterday, I had a nightmare. I had to sit for an unexpected History Paper 3: Globalisation. I was panicking, trying to find my timetable. The paper was scheduled at 2:45pm, and it was already 1pm. I asked Ying Han to call her erm friend to ask about what to study, while I went to call Ms Goh HH. Interestingly, I recalled a number very similar to Ms Goh's actual number in the dream itself. That's cos I'd passed the number to Alex the day before. Stupid nightmare. Argh.

Back to studying. If The Tragedy of the Commons comes out tomorrow, I'm going to be very happy.

2007-11-26T21:29:00.000+08:00

My mum said that, after yesterday's haircut, my face looks bigger than my head, whatever that means. My sister and I both couldn't get what she was saying. Or at least I pretended not to get it. She's just saying that I have fat cheeks. How nice of her, considering that it's ahem her genes.

Anyway, after I paid the hairstylist's wife yesterday, I told her that I wouldn't be going for hair cuts for some time cos of NS. She said "So soon?", then wished me all the best with a handshake. LOL. The guy came from Malaysia to start a business. He started dating his customer. They got married several months back. Nice couple.

Library again yesterday. When I came home I told my mum that I was feeling depressed, and she thought it was regarding the exams. It wasn't. Will blog more about this when I have time, can't quite express myself right now. It's seemingly insignificant, but it weighed on my mind quite a bit yesterday. Should go study.

Anyway, I was thinking, if my family was in a TV drama, no one would want to watch it. But the thing is, I'm really glad our lives are not like those out of a soap opera. Really thankful.

2007-11-24T17:41:00.000+08:00

I always found it rather surreal that Mr Cook returned last year's S Level students their assignments the day before their A Levels Exams.

Not so surreal now. He hasn't returned our essays, and he's in France.

And when I alerted him to it when I met him outside school, he said (grumbled?) that he'd try to put it up for us on Blackboard while he was on vacation.

He hasn't.

2007-11-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

Globalisation panic! Now I know why I don't like studying with people. I get very worried when they ask me questions that I can't answer. Oh no.

2007-11-23T12:02:00.000+08:00

I hate to admit it, but not-so-deep-down inside, I know that my parents are right. The truth is, I'll probably find it really difficult to survive on my own should I study overseas. It's not so much of having to take care of my own meals and stuff (though that won't be very easy) but the emotional support that I need.

Since young I've been very independent when it comes to my studies. My parents never had to guide me or nag at me. But I've always had to know that they care. It's always the same thing. I tell my parents that I'm very stressed, and ask them to pray for me. They tell me that they are praying, and that they know I can do it. They tell me not to worry, and that they'll still love me no matter what happens. I go back to studying, feeling a little better.

My mum told me that when I was very young, I used to run to the kitchen while she was preparing dinner, saying "Mummy I miss you." I can't recall that happening, but it does sound like something a younger me would do.

I know my parents love me a lot, which is why I'm usually really thankful. But recently I've been thinking about how nice it would be if... I can't say this unequivocally, so I might as well not say it. But the thing is, I have my reasons, and I'm envious of some families. Which is really rare, considering that I come from a loving family, I don't really care about material wealth... It's as if I could not ask for more.. By most standards I should be (and am) quite happy about being in this family.

But I guess some things are just beyond my control. Sacrifices have to be made in order not to hurt those I love, and from a more egocentric perspective, to achieve my life goals. I don't know where I'm headed, but I just pray that it'll be good for everyone. And that at the end of this journey, I'll be able to face the Creator...

Gosh, this is such a sad post. Hope the following videos will put a smile on your face. The first is the MDA rap. The second is Royston Tan's Cut, a short film that parodies Ms Amy Chua, the Director of Media Content, from the MDA. I watched the short film quite a long time ago, but I never knew it was actually based on an actual person until I read it in Life! yesteday.

It seems a little malicious, now that I think about it, but still very funny nonetheless. And the whole 377A debate made me realise that perhaps the MDA has no choice but to be strict. Guess there are really quite a few people who are not finding it so comfortable to suddenly find the world changed, to quote LKY. Oh well.

OK, Cut has been split into three parts, and I'm lazy to post them here. Look for it on YouTube if you haven't watched it before, it's really funny.

2007-11-22T18:53:00.000+08:00

I'm sick. Argh.

Took a break last night to have dinner with the class and send TimT off.

Large country tariff and quota diagrams are screwing my mind up. The worst thing is that I don't even know whether I'm supposed to know how to draw them. Game theory tonight. It's becoming more stresful and less fun.

Applied for an MFA internship after receiving a reply to my enquiry about my situation. I'm enlisting on the second-last day of the internship. I don't really care that should I be selected for the internship, it will effectively leave me with 5 free days between Liberation and Enlistment. I know that whatever free time I have would be wasted away, possibly spent worrying about NS. (At this point, I'm still excited about it. I wonder when I'll start to worry.)

Started watching Brothers and Sisters. Think I'm going to be hooked onto it soon.

2007-11-19T21:54:00.000+08:00

I'm so proud of myself. I started reading some econs notes today, the stuff that Hansel and Samantha zapped at the National Library. Thank goodness I didn't have to zap it myself. Doing it for PW was bad enough.

At least I now know about the different schools of thoughts in economic methodology. The next thing I need to do is to memorise some impressive looking facts that can be thrown into the essay.

"...as mentioned by Friedman in The Methodology of Positive Economics (1953)..."

Sai Li did that for her prelims essays. She even knows the year when Ricardo wrote his seminal treatise on comparative advantage! (Notice the use of the term "seminal treatise", I don't even know the title of the bloody thing.) Totally spoil market. Pun intended. OK bad joke.

OK, Google told me that it's the Principles of Political Economy and Taxation (1817).

Anyway, that's the progress I made today. Still, I'm avoiding Theme One unless absolutely necessary. If I really have to attempt a Theme One essay I'll probably cry.

2007-11-18T19:00:00.000+08:00

Yet another day has passed. Celebrated dad's birthday. Read a little bit about Popper and Falsification. Stuff that Mr Cook mentioned in class is coming back to me, but I really don't understand enough to write a proper essay, so it's just to prepare for the worst case scenario, where I actually have to pretend to have an opinion on the question "Is economics a science?"

My essay would probably end like this: In conclusion, there are reasons to both support and oppose the notion that economics is a science. However, since Cambridge awards BAs to its economics students, I am of the view that economics is not a science.

Well at least it will make them laugh, and that might earn me some marks. Anyway, to prevent that from happening, I'm going to start studying tomorrow. All that international economics, microeconomics and strategies and stuff, I'm going to get it into my head, and remain sane!

Hmmm but one day I really want to learn philosophy. Hopefully I can take it as a module at uni or something.

Listening to the Leona Lewis album on imeem. It's been up for 9 days, so it's probably going to get cut down to 30 seconds per song soon. So far the songs I've heard have been quite nice, but nothing really stands out. It's just like listening to another Mariah I guess. Will decide if I should buy it after listening to the whole album.

2007-11-17T17:46:00.001+08:00

It seriously feels as if the A's are really over. I watched another 2 hours of various TV dramas again, including the latest episode of Desperate, and one of the earlier episodes of Boston Legal.

I can't really recall where the rest of my time went. Haha. I spent some time reading about Plato but failed to understand much. I should go on to read the chapter about Popper after this. Mr Cook mentioned him in class, so at least that should be useful for H3 econs. But then again, I'll probably not do any essay on the philosophy and methodology of econs.

So far, the only thing I know about Popper is that his first name is Karl. Sigh. And that it might have something to do with Occam's Razor, whatever that is.

2007-11-16T23:41:00.001+08:00

I've watched two episodes of Desperate Housewives in a day. If I go on at this rate, and if the strike isn't settled, I'll have nothing to watch in no time. Oh wait, there's still the old seasons of Boston Legal. My mom told me to volunteer to take over writing the scripts for ABC, lol. There was a time when I wanted to be a scriptwriter. When I was 8 or 9. I know I've said this before, but the way Desperate Housewives is written, how everything fits in together, it's just brilliant.

Now that I'm left with just one paper [in 12 days!], I need to come up with a list of things to do..

-Study for H3, of course. It's rather enjoyable at times, which is good.
-Write those scholarship application essays. Argh.
-Pack my room. Pass on my notes. Chem and econs reserved. History, don't feel like giving them away, don't know anyone who would need them anyway.

And stuff that I don't need to plan to do, cos I'll do them anyway.
-Get the Internet connection back up on my computer.
-Read that philosophy book that I bought on impulse many months back.
-Watch TV!

2007-11-15T19:05:00.000+08:00

I'm thankful. Really thankful. And blessed. Just 6 hours ago I felt as if I was going to break down. Now it's over, and I'm relieved.

All those thoughts about having to avoid VJ for the rest of my life out of shame, never being able to face the two Ms Gohs ever again... That's how fearful I was.

Now I'm praying that Econs was ok. I'm not very confident about it, but I guess it's all in God's hands now.

Was surfing the web to find out about how the whole Screen Actors strike thing was playing out, cos apparently, some shows don't even have enough episodes till Christmas.

The Producer of Lost:

Haha.

2007-11-12T14:50:00.000+08:00

Gmail is down! To think I had absolute faith in Google.

2007-11-09T23:09:00.000+08:00

Been listening to a lot of Scott Mills on Radio One recently. Yesterday he suggested playing Britney's debut album in full, and eventually started spinning Baby One More Time. He was supposedly told off by "the people upstairs", and stopped after 20 seconds of Crazy. It was hilarious. I know it's probably just an act, but still...

Inspired by that, I've been playing Britney's album. It makes me feel old. Sigh. It's only recently that I started to understand why people listen to oldies. Things just seemed to be better then. It's probably just cos we move on and forget the bad experiences..

Thinking about it, Britney was just around my age when she released Baby One More Time. And how she's screwed up her life over this past eight years or so... How everything everywhere has changed so much since then. Makes me wonder about the future..

2007-11-07T10:19:00.000+08:00

I was watching Ellen while having breakfast. During the commercial break, I channel surfed, and started watching the live telecast of the UMNO conference. Their opening prayer went on for ages, after which they started singing Negaraku, some other song, and their Barisan Nasional song. And now, I can't get the BN song out of my head!

"Barisan Nasional, Barisan...."

2007-11-06T21:48:00.000+08:00

And I'm free from math for 2 years! Before I go back to doing stats and calculus at a higher level. Oh well, at least I'm not bad at it. I just don't enjoy it a lot. But it is quite fun at times.

OK I've slacked away 2 hours. Now I'm going to work hard for the next 6 days, and make sure that at the end of it, I can:

i) Ace my chem papers. Especially the mcq paper.
ii) Write brilliant econs essays, even those with Singapore context, and do my case studies well.
iii) Be an expert on post WWII International History (whatever is in my syllabus, at least), and answer essay questions even if they are asked from some weird angle. And be able to tell Netanyahu from Shamir, Rabin from Sharon. Ah I'm really tempted to just drop the peace process but I guess I can't take any chances. Oh no, and I still need to be able to write essays on the functions of the World Bank and IMF... And know some contextual knowledge about the various UN peacekeeping missions....

OK it's not hard to tell that I'm extremely worried for history. I will really go down in history if I don't get an A for the paper. It's really scary cos I know I didn't do very well for the SEA paper. So I must must must do well for the International paper.

Just watched the news on Pedra Branca. It's just... strange.

6 days of studying, press on!

2007-11-05T16:59:00.000+08:00

I'm happy! And it's got absolutely nothing to do with the exams :)

If I could, I would...

2007-11-04T12:02:00.000+08:00

My com's internet connection is down, so I've been using my parents' computer for the past week. Not that I've had much time to use the com.

The exams haven't been going as well as I hoped. I'm praying that the results will turn out fine. It's really stressing me out.

Probably won't be blogging for a while.

Defcon 1

2007-10-30T21:30:00.000+08:00

This is it. In 12 hours, I'll be handing up my GP essay. Hopefully it'll be well-written. And about something I'm familiar with.

Gosh, I'm nervous.

Very.

Pray.

2007-10-29T16:04:00.001+08:00

Last night, I had a dream within a dream. It was really cool. And in that dream within the dream, I imagined. Rather strange experience, but when I woke up, I thought about it, and it was just amazing.

Almost Defcon 1... All the best to those entering the war a day earlier :)

2007-10-28T00:51:00.001+08:00

I wonder what's keeping me awake. If only I'd been able to stay up to study over the past 3 weeks, I wouldn't be feeling so nervous.

I can't get Mandy Moore's rendition of Umbrella out of my head.

2007-10-27T17:31:00.000+08:00

I wonder what I would say if I could meet Janadas Devan.

2007-10-25T17:50:00.000+08:00

Went out for a haircut. Felt this strange sense of happiness went I stepped out onto the road just now, and realised that it was the first time I've left home in 5 days. Mugging at home, sometimes alone, is really quite lonely, even though I'm still connected to the world with my mobile phone and com. But going out has made me feel so much better.

And I made a promise to myself, that next year, I'll visit my grandma at least once in every three weekends. Maybe one in two if I can. I can't fully empathise, but being confined to one's home 24/7 isn't nice at all. Especially since she was so sprightly when she was younger. Perhaps see if we can bring her out for a while, however difficult it may seem.

I wonder what it feels like to return to an empty apartment, day after day. Just trying to imagine it is frightening enough.

2007-10-25T14:44:00.000+08:00

I shared the ridiculous concerns of the mother of an NS-going son with my parents yesterday.

My dad was like, "During my time, we all showered together blah blah blah and nothing happened."

My mum, genuinely concerned, said, "If anyone tries to do anything to you, you must speak up ok, don't keep quiet."

My dad went along with her, "Yeah, don't be too close to anyone. If anything happens, you must speak up, some people keep it to themselves, and later commit suicide."

So now gay people are villains huh. My God, even if you have a very warped view of gay people [unacceptable], and have absolutely no confidence in your son's abilities to protect himselves [quite understandable, unfortunately], surely have some faith in the Singapore Armed Forces and its ability to protect your son!

I can almost imagine, if there's a Question and Answer session for parents at the swearing-in ceremony, my mum will stand up and ask:

"May I know what measures the SAF is taking to protect my son from being sexually violated during his National Service?"

Protect our nation!

2007-10-23T23:07:00.000+08:00

I was so proud of myself when I could understand Baey Yam Keng's Mandarin speech in Parliament :) Yet another reason to learn Malay. "discriminasi... message... [lots of stuff I don't understand at all...]" But thankfully, Muhammad Faishal Ibrahim [first time I've noticed him] reverted back to English when he shared the following anecdote:

"Section 377A became a topic of my Hari Raya visits and gatherings. One feedback I received, in particular, was from a concerned parent. A mother, in fact, whose son will be entering the National Service soon, which would put him in a male-oriented environment. She's concerned on how her son would have to manage this issue during his National Service. How would he and his fellow NS mates focus, be affected when their main objective was to protect our nation. And she's concerned that her son's sexual orientation may be influenced. Though petitioners to repeal 377A would always have a counter-argument against her concern, I feel that it is still a genuine worry of many parents, and reflects the sentiments of society towards this issue...... The message that I heard loud is that the majority of Singaporeans are not prepared for open homosexuality acts to be part of our way of life yet."

Oh my goodness. He made some valid points here and there. And liberal as I am, I don't think I'll ever be prepared for any open sexual acts either, be it gay or straight. OK I added the last line just because it sounded very funny, I know what he was trying to say. But the anecdote... you be the judge.

2007-10-20T16:52:00.000+08:00

That's how I'm feeling. I think. Not as bad now, but still... I don't like the idea of being 18. I don't like the idea of knowing that I'm going to have to stop thinking about what I'm going to do when I grow up, but really do it. I don't like the idea that my whole life is going to be a long struggle. I don't like feeling so powerless.

But for now, what I really don't like is the idea that I might get some weird questions for A Levels Econs. And possibly History.

"Discuss whether this model of market structure is the most appropriate to explain the behaviour of firms in Singapore." ?????

2007-10-18T17:39:00.000+08:00

OK, so I took a break. But hey, I was watching the news, which is supposed to help my GP. Hoho. Channel News Asia was reporting about the return of Benazir Bhutto to Pakistan, and I must say, they are really quite slow in reporting the news.

For half an hour, they repeatedly played the clip of the Emirates plane touching down, and the news reader [I refuse to call him a news anchor] kept saying the same few lines.. "We will bring you more on the story as it unfolds."

Came online, and found out that The Guardian had already published a detailed report, with quotes and all. It's quite exciting really...

Ms Bhutto will move through the city on a bullet-proof platform on a truck equipped with anti-bomb jamming devices.

The procession will crawl towards the tomb of Ali Jinnah, a 10-mile journey that officials said could take the entire day.

"My return heralds for the people of Pakistan the turn of the wheel from dictatorship to democracy, from exploitation to empowerment, from violence to peace," she said.

Ms Bhutto, flanked by her husband and two daughters, warned that any bomber who tried to kill her would "burn in hell" under Islamic laws.

Ah, back to integration...

2007-10-15T18:20:00.000+08:00

Tomomi sent me a message on MSN this morning, just saying that she'd chanced upon the birthday wishes I sent to her in February, and how she'd not been in contact with us (the 6ae people in Singapore) for the longest time. I didn't realise that it's been 8 months since I last talked to her on MSN.

Sure, we aren't the closest of friends, but there's something nice about just receiving an unexpected greeting from a friend. Especially someone halfway around the world. Perhaps NS will be somewhat like that, where even being on the same island can be no different from being halfway around the world.

I feel very guilty everytime I'm the only one in class online. Knowing that everyone is mugging away and I'm not. I should go back to studying.

2007-10-11T14:01:00.000+08:00

13th Dec, BMTC School 2!

Thank God I'm not going in in April.

I still can't believe that I'm going to be partly responsible for the nation's defence, but what the hell, thank God!

2007-10-10T18:30:00.000+08:00

I just did a Tim Tam Slam! :)

2007-10-10T04:54:00.001+08:00

Committed the heinous crime of going to bed at 10:30. Now that I'm awake, I'm going to make myself stufy.

2007-10-09T20:57:00.000+08:00

PLEASE, PLEASE, LET ME GET MY ENLISTMENT LETTER ASAP! I DON'T WANT TO GO IN IN APRIL!

Heard that quite a few people have received their letter for enlistment in January. I've always assumed that I'd be going in in January, like most others, but now that I haven't received the letter, I'm starting to panic. It's not that going in in April is that bad, but it's just that, after having my schedule planned for me for all my life, I'm unable to spend 4 free months productively.

Benefits of enlisting in April
1) Can prepare myself physically before enlisting.
2) More time to prepare for scholarship and uni applications.
3) Can take SAT 2 in January.
4) Can find a job/ attachment to make my CV look better.

Drawbacks of enlisting in April
1) I'll probably just waste all that free time away. Sigh.
2) I'll leave the army later than everyone else.

OK I think I'm just worrying too much. I'm going to get my letter. I'm going to get my letter. I'm going to get my letter...

2007-10-08T16:32:00.000+08:00

Got back my H3 script. 74, which is quite good, considering that I didn't even study properly for it. And the strange thing is that the marks I got for the various components were inversely related to the time spent! I'm slightly more confident now, but there's still the feeling of uncertainty and unpreparedness.

Plus, if I want to freak out, I must do so before the 14th of Nov, cos Mr Cook is leaving for France on that day. Oh, and he wrote "excellent" next to the point I made about Guardian being left-leaning and thus biased against Walls. Hoho, shows that the time spent surfing the Internet and reading up on nonsense like that hasn't gone totally to waste!

Hansel: So when's the next lesson?
Mr Cook: Well that was it. There's no next lesson. You can come see me individually if you freak out, but don't freak out after the 14th of November cos I will be in France, lying on the beach. No actually I think it'll be too cold to go to the beach, so I'll probably be in a bar, thinking of you guys. Right.

Feeling slightly better, need to study really hard now!

P.S. When you're tired of studying, take a break and watch PM Lee's interview with CNN regarding Burma. The way he used the Hippocratic Oath to defend our provision of medical treatment to Than Shwe and the other military leaders was rather convincing at first...

2007-10-08T10:56:00.001+08:00

I can't believe I'm still dragging myself down to school to listen to Mr Cook when I'm sick.

2007-10-07T16:07:00.000+08:00

Took The Little Prince out of the store room. Will read it again.

I'm sick :(

2007-10-06T07:53:00.000+08:00

I was stumped by the first sum I attempted yesterday night. Can't remember how long I sat at the table, probably fell asleep for some time. Gave up. Went to bed. Woke up. Looked at the sum. Immediately came up with the solution. Please remind me not to force myself to stay up, cos it just doesn't work.

2007-10-06T00:08:00.000+08:00

Farewell today. Didn't go as smoothly as I hoped it did, but I learnt a lot about myself throughout the morning's happenings. Guess it's all right to be learning now, as long as I'm ready when the real challenge begins.

Completed the message boards for the teachers. Gave Mr Chua his during the CT session. The rest were given after that while I was at H3, so I'm not too sure what they said. Met Ms Chia in the canteen during my break though, and she told me that she was really touched, and asked me to convey a message of thanks to the class. Glad that she liked it.

Got back my results slip, and was still in shock about H3 econs, though Ms Goh had already announced it yesterday.

"...and a distinction in H3 econs."
"Are you sure? That's not possible..."
"Oh you mean you don't know your results yet?"

Frankly I don't think I deserved a distinction, unless the cut off is really low. Gosh, no one even knows how much you must get for a distinction/ merit. I'm still rather worried for the actual A Levels, but at least this shows that I can write some decent H3 essays. I must trust Mr Cook. I must trust Mr Cook. Oh, and he said that I was "fairly intelligent" today! The fact that it was Mr Cook made it seem so... strange. I guess I'm just not used to Mr Cook praising anyone or anything, apart from Nobel prize-winning economist, of course.

Today's lesson lasted for around 3 and a half hours, and I think I learnt quite a bit about applying my content knowledge into the essays. It's incredible that he managed to make fun of De Beers, the French, the Germans, the Japanese, American cars, Sino-American food, Anglo-Asian food [and the lack of real English food], local food, Singaporeans, the 5-day work week and himself all in one lesson.

And it was hilarious when he started ended the lesson at half past three, commenting that it was the earliest we'd ever been let off after H3.

Headed down to town, but the class was already in a movie. Went to Borders and spent a good 2 hours in the Econs section, reading random books related to my H3 syllabus. The books are really expensive, but I still hope to own them all one day, the good ones at least.

Met Wei Han, Tim Soo, Jasmine and Jenny for dinner. Was great just spending some time together and chatting, though some of the stuff we talked about was just quite unpleasant. PS, and then home.

It's strange how I've been relatively awake over the past 2 and a half hours, and yet, I know with great certainty that as soon as I click "Publish Post" and go off to do some practice, I'm going to fall asleep really quickly.

P.S. I have a fan club??!!

2007-10-04T22:27:00.000+08:00

I'm in a really bad mood now. At times, just being reminded about reality is plain agonising. Having to conform for fear of the consequences. It's just wrong, but there's nothing I can do about it. Not for now, at least. Fighting on.

Feeling better. Stayed back to prepare for tomorrow. Made me feel really fulfilled, really glad that quite a few stayed back to help out.

Farewell tomorrow. Two years have indeed passed very quickly. Sigh.

Victoria thy triumphs see, and victories we share yet.

2007-10-04T00:40:00.000+08:00

Boston Legal is turning ridiculous. The fourth season of Desperate went up on all those Chinese websites the day after it aired in the US. Globalisation.

Made the trip to Ikea today. Won't say too much or the surprise will be spoilt. Even though I was carrying all those stuff, I still couldn't resist buying an ice cream cone. Wasn't as nice as usual though.

Was getting double sided tape for tomorrow, and I realised that a roll of tape had lost its stickiness. I peeled off more and more of the tape, hoping that somehow, some of the tape on the inside would be sticky. I went further and further, until all the tape had been peeled off before accepting that the entire tape had lost its function. I threw it away. Made me think about what it felt to be a roll of tape that had lost its stickiness. And that perhaps this is how God works - searching even for the tiniest bit of goodness in us, until the end...

And I decided not to hand in the MAS application first. Got my question answered today, the prelim round interview for MAS will be near to the GIC interview, so I think it's better to just focus on the GIC one first. I need to prepare for this interview.

Off to do math.

2007-10-01T18:49:00.000+08:00

Got back Econs Case study and GP today. Remember what I said about not seeing 69, today I saw 69.5! Thank God.

Back to mugging and lots of practice papers. Practice papers are my friends, and I love spending time with them.

For a start, I'm going to scare myself with the NJ math prelim paper! [cos the photocopying shop ran out of RJ and Hwa Chong's papers, lol.]

Unloading

2007-10-01T00:54:00.000+08:00

Back from church feast day mass and dinner. It's confirmed, I turn really red when I consume even moderate amounts of alcohol. Like father, like son. It's strange, cos I didn't feel the least bit drunk [it was less than 2 glasses of wine] but I just turn really red. I guess this is the most I've drunk in a single sitting, cos this hasn't occured before. Oh well.

More serious stuff. Filling up the scholarship application form has made me feel extremely inadequate. Hoping that somehow they'll not notice that I failed to get A1 for Chinese at O Levels, that I have a "good" rather than "excellent" mastery of the Chinese Language [I couldn't bring myself to lie, even if it seemed like something they wouldn't be able to find out easily!], that my CCA records are good, but simply far from stunning... Yet, these are things I can accept, because I've given my best shot, and there's not much more I could have done.

But being in express rather than special stream, not being in GEP, not knowing a third language [I feel so stupid every time I have to declare the number of languages I am proficient in. There are usually 5 or 6 spaces, of which I can only fill 2. And that's still not saying anything about my command of my second language.]... I just feel extremely regretful for being so stupid and timid, not standing up to my parents and telling them what I wanted. These are things that could have happened differently, but... It may have been 9 years since I drew a line across the GEP form to express my [my parents', rather] lack of interest in the programme, yet I still have a vivid recollection of the scene. It's stupid, how I was so excited about it, and yet, was simply acquiescent to my parents' wishes.

I know my parents meant well [and will always do, love you], and I know it hurts them every time I allude to the aforementioned decisions. But I just can't help but think about what would have happened had I been brave enough to tell them what I wanted. I think a part of me, cruel as it sounds, wants to hold on to such negative emotions in order to remind both myself and my parents that I have to be responsible for my own decisions from now on - no more deferring of important decisions, fears of "I told you so" notwithstanding.

Yet, I'm increasingly appreciative of the unique circumstances that are facing me. It is highly possible that should I choose to live my life all over again, I might be in a suboptimal situation. I know this post makes me sound extremely ungrateful, considering the numerous blessings I've had, but I'm just afraid of failing to meet my ultimate life goal. It's quite scary that for many people, getting a scholarship is like a major goal that once achieved would make them feel very contented, while for me, getting a scholarship is but a pit stop on this long and arduous journey towards a vague and lofty goal.

But then again, part of me feels that this refusal to accept a life of making a difference through little acts of kindness [Think: St. Therese of Lisieux, patron saint of my parish] is not so much out of altruism but egocentricity. Or perhaps it's that the perceived sacrifices that I'm making on this journey render me unable to accept results that are anything short of epic. Anyhow, I'm holding on to my hopes and aspirations for now, and yet, am making sure that they do not control me. I'm determined to change the way things are.

This post has been longer than initially intended. The No. 1 song is about to be played on the BBC Radio 1 Chart Show - I'd planned to sleep halfway through the show. But penning down all my thoughts has made me feel much more at peace with myself. Sure, I'll start the week physically exhausted, but I'll be emotionally recharged (:

Energised

2007-09-29T20:58:00.000+08:00

To add on to the list of encounters that show what a tech-idiot I am, it was only last week that I realised that you could create playlists on Youtube. I'm too embarrassed to say what I did pre-enlightenment. Created a playlist of the songs from My Girl. Trying to tell one Korean title from another gave me a headache, even when they were all romanised.

For example, "sang uh reul sarang han in uh" and "sang-eo-reul sa-rang-han In-eo" are the same. It may seem rather obvious now, but trust me, when you are trying to add them one by one on to the playlist, it isn't. That's the song that Tan Ying ~~tortured me with~~ likes to sing, by the way.

The past week's been slack. Lots of rest to give me energy for the next two months. In exactly two months time, I'll be free! And awaiting enlistment. yay! I'm slightly afraid about NS, who isn't, but I'm quite excited about it at the same time. At the very least, I know they will do all they can to make sure I don't die, so for that, I feel rather assured.

This Navy magazine was sent to me yesterday, and my parents were wondering if that was a sign that I was going to be posted there, or if everyone else received it. Being on high seas seems quite cool, though I know of someone serving in the navy, who hasn't been to sea for a period of more than 3 days. So sad. But then again, I don't think I can even hold my breath underwater for more than a minute, so I doubt they'd want me. HAHA.

Scholarship applications. Probably submitting the MAS form this week. GIC will be calling again soon. PSC, probably after the A's. "What are some of the values and beliefs you hold strongly to? Please provide examples of how you have demonstrated these in your actions." That's the essay I have to write for the PSC application. Hmm... Will give it my best shot, pray, and accept the outcome.

Had a talk with the Stella, Ruth and Val about religion and God yesteday. Stella was asking some of the questions that I ask myself everyday, and she was surprised that as a Christian, I ask such questions as well. I think she was rather tickled, and the two others a little scandalised, when I said that the Holy Trinity is somewhat schizo. Blasphemous as it seems, it is a rather effective way of putting across the idea of three persons in one God, don't you think? Someday we'll find the answers too all these questions...

A Levels starts in slightly over a month. Having been through prelims, I'm much more confident about tackling A's. As I'd expected, the real challenge is now to get my A for GP and distinction for Econs H3. But I'll start worrying about the core subjects as the exams draw nearer, that's just me, I guess.

Enough of rest. This marks the resumption of revisions proper. Defcon 3?

2007-09-28T00:33:00.000+08:00

I was just thinking about it, cos I'm going to have to print something later. The home network printer is in my sister's room, connected to her computer, so whenever I call a document to print, I must turn on her computer.

Last-minute as I often am, I end up printing stuff in the morning, just before leaving for school, when she's still asleep. In order not to wake her up, I used to cover the monitor with A4 files.

It recently dawned on me that I could simply switch the monitor off.

2007-09-27T23:33:00.000+08:00

I need to regain the momentum. But I'm sure it'll be back very soon.

But there's so much admin stuff that I need to do, and I really hate it. Draft the letter to the principal, offering the school some of the econs quiz prize money. Print notes for H3. Get practice papers/ compilations for the other subjects. Prepare for farewell...

Not that I hate preparing for farewell, it's just that the thought of having to make nice little cards and all really scares me. Don't get me wrong, I love making cards and writing notes for people, the problem is that they don't turn out nice. :( I'll try my best though

For the teachers I was thinking of getting the class to do something along the lines of what 401 did. Looking back, all the trouble was really worth it, seeing how the teachers were so happy. Even mummy remembers how Mr Chin was so happy, while Mrs Chan was so afraid of bursting the bubble, haha.

Back to math specimen paper. Might be getting econs case studies back tomorrow. *Crosses fingers.

Back to school, back to work

2007-09-26T17:42:00.000+08:00

Back to school after a day of rest. Was nice meeting Linus and Tsun Wang, and later the class. Mid Autumn's at the beach made me feel like a total delinquent. But it was fun, and I'm glad everyone else had fun ~~and no one was killed~~. Pictures on the class blog soon, I hope.

Thankful for the grades I've gotten back so far. Now the only papers that I'm not sure about are GP and Econs. Particularly econs, because I know that I'm somewhere around the mark. But whatever I get, I'll still be really thankful.

Had a very funny encounter with Mr Ho, while trying to get an extra mark for Math. Got called a sick weirdo by Ms Goh during history lecture. Interesting day.

Got back the PSC Psychometric Test. On par for the IQ and Verbal, above par for Math. Though they've made it clear that this is in comparison with other "high-calibre JC students", it just reinforced a fear that I've had for a while - that I've become relatively more stupid over the past decade or so. I used to feel smarter when I was young. Sigh.

It's back to work now. Ms Wong said that at the most we could relax until the end of the week, but I think most people will be going back to their revisions, like, now. So now I'm going to go through my math paper, and kick myself for all the careless errors [and also thank God that they didn't affect my grade] and worse still, stuff that I did not know how to do.

Then when it's really late at night, and I can't do anymore math and chem, I'm going to dive into the wonderful world of economics, and go through these 8 books to see what's relevant for my H3 paper!

I love econs, I love econs, I love econs!

P.S. The Burmese police have launched a violent crackdown. Pray.

2007-09-26T00:13:00.000+08:00

Papers will start coming back in 8 hours.

Sleep.

2007-09-24T15:26:00.000+08:00

H3 econs is over, and surprisingly, I'm not that disapppointed. Sure, I didn't do very well for the paper, but at least I know that it can't get any worse than this. At least I had a fair bit of content for my essays, though I shouldn't have spent so much time on the case study.

Anyway, I seriously don't mind, and even enjoy, staying late into the night, reading the Coase Theorem and all. And now that we econs students have finally gotten down to putting into practice the concept of specialisation, at least we can help each other get some decent content to base our essays upon.

"However, the evidence in the article is mainly anecdotal rather than statistical. Furthermore, the article is from The Guardian, a left-leaning newspaper, so we might expect it to be against big businesses like Wall's, and so might be inclined towards reporting negatively about it."

Let's hope I get some credit for that! :)

2007-09-23T21:54:00.000+08:00

I'm now starting on International Econs, which puts me behind schedule by 24 hours. Save me.

2007-09-22T21:54:00.000+08:00

This afternoon, the monks protesting in Rangoon marched past Aung San Suu Kyi's home. For those who aren't aware, Burma has been under military rule since 1962.

It's sad, cos military rule was initially beneficial for the country, yet as the time went by, the new elite entrenched themselves in power, and lost sight of the initial aims of strengthening the country and its citizens.

Let's keep them in our prayers. Who knows, this might just be the beginning of the end...

2007-09-22T08:42:00.000+08:00

I felt extremely motivated to study econs yesterday, not least because I was on the 8th level of the National Library, just next to the Public Service Commission. Borrowed 4 books, 2 on managerial econs, 1 on globalisation, and the last one, The Truth About Markets by John Kay, which is on the list of recommended readings.

So now I have 8 econs books. Probably studying at home today, then going to the library again tomorrow to complete my study on regional and international economics.

One day I'll have a personal library with scholarly tomes on anything worth reading about. In particular, it'll contain all the authoritative works on humanities and the social sciences. Joy!

Anyway, I caught the final moments of the new Chanel ad on TV several days back, but somehow couldn't find it online. Spotted it on someone's blog though, and it was only then that I realised it was Keira Knightley!

2007-09-21T11:59:00.000+08:00

I swear, Cook and Sowden are brothers!

2007-09-21T11:24:00.000+08:00

Note to self: Study, stupid!

2007-09-21T00:12:00.000+08:00

I can't believe I'm doing math just over 12 hours after my last prelim paper! [Not considering H3.] But I'm just being nice to a friend, I guess. And anyway I don't really feel like sleeping yet.

2007-09-20T23:12:00.001+08:00

I was so close to taking the prelims timetable off my board, when I realised that it technically wasn't over. But of course, I'm already in the post-prelims-pre-intensive-prep-for-A's mood. But I'll study for my econs paper over the next 3 days. Maybe watch the second half of My Girl, like half a year after watching the first half!

On the whole I think prelims went quite well. I'm just praying that it's enough, cos I'm projecting scores that are really close to the mark. Just praying that I'll fall on the right side this time, what with the number of times I've fallen on the wrong side this year. [3. Two 69's and one 59 - and my beloved tutor just had to write 60, cross it out, and write 59.] It should so seriously be a tagline: The only place you don't want to have 69 - your exam script.

Went out with the class today. 1408 was quite good at the beginnning, started getting ridiculous halfway through. Walked around, talked. Became tired. Came home. Watched Boston Legal (:
__________

There's so much going on around me, but I can't express myself openly, probably won't ever. But I'll fight those battles however I can. I must.

2007-09-19T13:06:00.000+08:00

Chem today was... I like what Jasmin said about the chem dept, but it's not politically correct so I can't post it :)

Hotcakes at Macs made me happy though! :)

Oh and I found a funny Boston Legal clip! Boston Legal tonight, yay!

And, September 30th...

Let's hope some kind soul in the US uploads it quickly. And the MDA is so going to have to work overtime, what with a gay couple shifting into Wisteria Lane, haha.

2007-09-18T13:05:00.001+08:00

It's a good thing I threw Arab-Israeli into the Red Sea yesterday, cos it didn't come out! Haha. Was pleasantly surprised that Kashmir came out, so I did the question even though I'd spent less than an hour on it last night. And after all the time spent on the end of Cold War/ collapse of USSR, it wasn't tested. Diddn't do the USA's economy question cos it was the same as the previous CT question, which meant that there was little to write, unlike the positive/ negative question that I had prepared for.

On the whole it was quite good, should be to scrape through the mark for History as long as my Source based evaluation is accepted. When I saw Mahathir Mohamad as the speaker, I was extremely tempted to swear at him, but obviously this being exam, I wrote that he was known to be against "Western imperialism", in favour of the "Asian way" [The exact term is "Asian values" but I couldn't recall it.], and that the words used in his speech suggested that it was a vitriolic diatribe against the UN and its Western "puppet masters" and thus could not be taken at face value. Talk about political correctness!

Left with Chem and Econs paper. Must. Work. Hard. Heard from Alex that the psychometric test results were out. Rather tempted to get them from Mr Ho but decided against it, since he's going to give them out next week, and also because I don't want it to affect my mood for the final papers. I know I didn't do as well as I had hoped, but how far I fell from my expectations remains to be seen. And apparently the top 20 for prelims are going to be shortlisted/ recommended for PSC? Nothing new I guess. Doesn't change anything. Just gotta work hard, pray, and be prepared for whatever comes.

2007-09-17T16:50:00.000+08:00

I've decided to drop Arab-Israeli into the Red Sea. For tomorrow's paper at least. Goodbye Grapes of Wrath, Netanyahu, Arafat and all :)